[Leica] IMG: Fuzzillogic 6 - Rules!

[walt at waltjohnson.com (Walt Johnson)]

Ted,

I've broken all the rules save one
and lived to tell the tale. 
I've never had no taste for Scotch
but rum, for me, don't fail.

Ted Grant wrote:
> OK you guys and gals dancing on the table & scotch...  how's this? :-)
>
> My briefing from a well experienced world traveled friend journalist trying
> to look out for me prior to first assignment in Japan. He started: "You are
> so stupid here's what not to do in Japan! Remember pay attention to every
> single word I say!" 
>
> 1/ Do not go into bar with a guy on the street telling you they have the
> prettiest girls in the world and the booze is cheap!" 
>
> 2/ Do not buy the girls a drink!
>
> 3/ Do not sit at a table and order a drink!
>
> 4/ Do not buy the girls a drink! 
>
> 5/ Do not order munchies with your drink
>
> 6/ Do stand at the bar!
>
> 7/ Do not order the girls a drink!
>
> 8/ Do not sit at a table with a girl
>
> 9/ Do not order Scotch, order Suntory
>
> 10/ Do not have more than one drink!
>
> "Are you paying attention? Says he.
>
> Me? "Yep every word! And shook my head in the affirmative!
>
> Arrive in Tokyo early evening, check into hotel, decide a walk will help me
> sleep!
>
> I can't go wrong, walk up this side of the street, cross over and back on
> the other side. Seemed simple enough. Right? 
>
> I'm dong fine Leica slung on shoulder in case and just about to hotel and
> guy says, "hey you American?" Me, "No Canadian."   Fuzzillogic sets in!
>
> He says, "Many Canadians come here! You from Vancouver?" Dumb ass says,
> "Yeah that's close." He takes me by the arm and says.. "Best girls in world
> here, drinks cheap!" 
>
> And like a lamb to slaughter I walk in. He says something in Japanese and I
> have 4 gorgeous women on my arms and breathing about my neck! Smiling and
> giggling, damn if they were any closer I'd have "neck Hickies" before I 
> "sat
> down at the table!"  :-(
>
> NOTE:  How many rules have I broken at this point? :-) 
>
> "You like drink?" as she sits down beside me at "my table?"  "Sure I'll 
> have
> (ready?) "A single malt scotch!" And she says, "and me?" I like a kid right
> off the farm says, " Sure OK but only one!" She smiles and I kind of wilt!
> Another wench sits down, the most gorgeous wench in the place and smiles.
> Damn another drink! :-)
>
> Guy brings bowl of munchies with drinks and adds it to the tab now written
> in Japanese! Now a girl on each side are so close I can hardly drink let
> alone breath!
>
> Oh heck order another "scotch!"  Followed by, "And me too?" Big smiles! 
>
> "Oh well what the hell I've never been to Japan before why not? OK!"
> Fuzzillogic hits again!
>
> Finally I figure I better get out of here as time had slipped by quicker
> than a witch in flight. So with a hundred yards to the front door of the
> hotel and safety I order the bill!! Well OK eh? There goes my per diem as I
> look forward to bread and water for the next five days! :-)
>
> So I tried to remember the rules about what not to do in Japan but
> Fuzzillogic intervened as I made my way to the hotel and figured; 
>
>  "Oh well what the hell there's a first time for everything and rules are
> made to be broken!" Fuzzillogic forever!!
>
> ted 
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