Archived posting to the Leica Users Group, 2001/11/08

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Subject: [Leica] Leica-philic Murphy's laws of photography...
From: "Wang, Albert" <Albert.Wang@ibx.com>
Date: Thu, 8 Nov 2001 13:41:59 -0500

Murphy's Laws of photography 

1. You are not Ansel Adams or Henri Cartier-Bresson. 

2. Neither are you Herb Ritz Camera Store. 

3. Automatic Cameras---Aren't Worth "--it". 

4. Auto Focus---won't (come correct) 

5. If you can't remember, you left the film at home (or dropped the
baseplate of your M6 on the snow while shooting blanks). 

6. No photo assignment remains unchanged after the first day of shooting
(unless you're Selgado). 

7. When in doubt, motor out (using the R4 Motorwinder). 

8. If a photo shoot goes too smoothly, then the lab will lose the film. 

9. If it's stupid (like the horrible R7 camera) but it works, it isn't
stupid (like the kickbutt R8 camera). 

10. Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the Client is
watching (those collector make off with Leitz gold-plated titanium M cameras
being ripped off to make stock equity go smoother). 

11. The most critical roll of film is fogged (by Gerald Widen's genius). 

12. If you forgot, then you did not rewind the film (or didn't damn sprocket
correctly the bottom loading Leica IIIf with a bad roll of Tri-X). 

13. Photo Assistants are essential, they give photographers someone to yell
at (or to model in the nude in lieu of the significant other while having a
love affair with a secretary from Leica USA in Northvale NJ). 

14. The one item (batteries, film, and ect.) you need is always in short
supply (except when you're fondling that R6.2 with a dead battery or my
Leicaflex with a shot meter). 

15. Interchangeable parts aren't (available at Tamarkin's when suckers are
buying Canon Senenar lenses). 

16. Long life batteries only last for a couple of rolls (applicable to
Nikon/Canon users pffffffffff). 

17. Weather never cooperates with Leica's competitor--Contax. 

18. Everything always works in your home, everything always fails on
location except that Leica 0-series camera you accidentally stuck in your
Domke bag. 

19. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism (of your
Nikon shots relative to that Leitz look-ons). 

20. The newest and least experienced photographer will usually win the
Pulitizer (like Herbie Ritz). 

21. Every instruction given to a lab, which can be misunderstood, will be
(f-stopped/snafu-ed) cross-processed in E6 chemicals. 

22. There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work (except hyperfocal
shooting with your M6). 

23. Never tell the Photo Editor you have nothing to do (unless you want to
get fired in today's lousy economy). 

24. Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't (covered by
Passport Warranty--damn gray market stuff again). 

25. No photojournalist is well dressed (except in a 1950's leather jacket
from Banana Republic). 

26. No well dressed photographer is a photojournalist (unless you're Sante
D'Orazio). 

27. Professional photographers are predictable; the world is full of
dangerous amateurs (like that Shutterbabe named Deborah Kogan). 

28. The nature shots invariably happen on two occasions: - -when anmals are
ready. - -when you're not (fiddling with your MOOLY while singing the MOOLY
BLUES). 

29. Same rule just substitute (naked) children (just like Jock-Strapped
Sturges). 

30. Client Intelligence is a contradiction (after John Ashcroft is fourth
encounters/encounters-intelligence of the wrong kind). 

31. There is no such thing as a perfect shoot (after saying "shoot" when
messing up your loading schtick on the M6 again). 

32. The important things are always simple (damn didn't Leica use this
phrase over and over in that Leica Photographie advertisement I need to be
reminded of???). 

33. The simple things are always hard (because M6 film loading takes you 20
minutes while the model runs away into the distance like Bridget Jones). 

34. Flashes will fail as soon as you need them (and that's good because the
M6 flash-sync at very slow speeds as to be worthless). 

35. A clean (and dry) camera is a magnet for dust, mud and moister (but it's
good proof that your Leica can out-last the lousy Canon EOS crap). 

36. Photo experience is something you never get until just after you need it
(unless you're Shutterbabe wanting to chase guys while dangling Leicas like
a pearl necklace). 

37. The self-importance of a client is inversely proportional to his
position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness). 

38. All or any of the above combined (as appliable to Leica photographers). 

All information contained within this particular post does not necessarily
reflect the views of the idiot whoever had the time to post this Leica-ized
version of Murphy's laws of photography. 

Leica-fully yours, Alfie Leica Camera AG Marketing Rep.... psych... hehehehe

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Replies: Reply from lea <lea@whinydogpress.com> (Re: [Leica] Leica-philic Murphy's laws of photography...)