[Leica] leni riefenstahl, jill greenberg, sally mann and kyle cassidy walk into a bar ....

[kcassidy at asc.upenn.edu (Kyle Cassidy)]

Seems like a good time to repost this, I was trying to remember it last
night and found it in the archives - funny though, when I wrote it,
American dollars were worth more than Canadian ones ....:

 

----- Original Message ----- 

From: "Kyle Cassidy" <kcassidy@asc.upenn.edu>

To: <lug@leica-users.org>

Sent: Wednesday, January 24, 2007 6:19 PM

Subject: [Leica] leni riefenstahl, jill greenberg,sally mann and kyle 

cassidy walk into a bar ....

 

 

Leni wants something, but she'll only speak german, so the bartender
keeps 

ignoring her, but she's getting beligerant.

 

"A round of Loud Mouth Soup!" I bellow over the excessive music, which I


suddenly notice is "ABBA", at volumes not recommended by 

the makers of the sound system, I'm sure. On top of the disco
syncopations 

is a rhythmic flatulence of an over driven speaker, possibly with a hole
in it.

 

"Do something about this goddamn music!" I shout to Sally, she starts 

fishing around in her gigantic purse and heads over to the 

jukebox. Meanwhile, the bartender produces four frosted glasses and
pours 

gin in them indiscriminately from a bucket. A lot of it splashes on the
bar.

 

"I'm all out of olives," he yells, throwing a shiny penny in each of the


drinks before pushing them towards us, "and vermouth. 

That'll be --" he thinks a minute, his eyes rolling back in his head
before 

popping back like cherries on a slot machine, "eighty 

dollars."

 

"Eighty what?!" I exclaim, "that better be Canadian."

 

"You want to hang with the ponies, you gotta live with the horses," he
says, 

staring into my eyes.

 

The music suddenly stops and the bar is dead silent in the split second
that 

I yell "What the hell does that mean?" at the top of my voice. All heads
turn 

towards me. I look around embarrassed. The other patrons eye 

me like I've shown up at a funeral in a clown suit. Sally looks over
from 

the juke box and presses a button. Some hideous country 

and western song begins yodling through the sound system and everybody
turns 

back to their drinks.

 

"Eighty dollars," says the bartender again.

 

Suddenly, completely without warning Jill reaches across the bar and
slaps 

him hard in the side of the head, the bartender reels 

back with a look of complete astonishment on his face as Jill snaps his 

photo with an old Crown Graphic she was hiding behind her 

back. The bulb makes a POP! noise audible over the music and we're all 

momentarily blinded. The bartender shakes his head and Jill 

ejects the bulb onto the floor and loads another one.

 

"Thanks gramps," she says.

 

"To hell with this dump," Leni says, twirling around on the bar stool
and 

tossing an empty martini glass over her shoulder, "Let's 

go to Courtney Love's party, there's bound to be more action there."

 

 

 

How should I react?

 

a) Say, "No, let's sit around here and photograph one another, I have a
Noctilux!"

b) Say, "Yeah, that sounds good. I already blew all my cash on four
drinks."

c) Slap Jill Greenberg

d) Ask Sally what she wants to do

e) Answer in fake German, to see if I can make Leni go mad thinking
she's 

forgotten how to speak her native language