Archived posting to the Leica Users Group, 2004/10/01[Author Prev] [Author Next] [Thread Prev] [Thread Next] [Author Index] [Topic Index] [Home] [Search]
At 09:21 AM 10/1/04 -0700, Peter Klein wrote: > >Brian: But of course there's overlap. Just the other day, William >Jennings Brian was telling me about the spirited but refreshingly >civilized debate he had with Marc James Small back in '02. And he >remembers Ted Grant fondly as the man who held him at his christening. . . ====================== Bian and Peter I had not realized the course this thread was taking, as I had thought that it was an effort to get us to contribute to ransoming the Lone Ranger's trusty steed and I am rather strapped for funds at the nonce. Now, Bill Bryant in his youth was taught by Ted Grant to intone, "You Shall Not Crucify Mankind Upon A Cross of Gold". Bill learned it well and Ted, with a grin on his elderly chops, then skipped northwards across the line into Canada. As the old Vaudville Song set it out: "While the ticker-taps are tickin' and the sirens roar,/I'll be hopping on a freighter for that Lawrence shore." And, back around 1970 or '71, Brewer & Shipley were chanting a song about "one toke over the line, Sweet Jesus" a song which I understand Ted had a part in developing. Ted Grant obviously learned, back about the time that he was told off to pull KP at the Last Supper, that the best way to be clean with John Law is to be clean gone when he starts asking about you -- cw?th John Cleese in that fine film, SILVERADO, "today, my jurisdiction stops here!" Ted learned how to play boundary games early on and does so today, though he now has to slip between nations which do not acknowledge the authority of Interpol. It is rumoured -- though, listen, you! -- I have not yet obtained documentary proof of this, albeit that I am told that documents are "in the Royal Mail which will prove this -- that the source of the vast Grant fortune was the result of his honest dyslexia during the USian Civil War. Ted accepted large amounts of cash from the Confederate States of Amrica for the purchase of arms and he bought the cheapest guns he could find but, in a fit of dyslexic absent-mindedness, sent them to the "Confederation of Canada". The Canadian authorities, being as restrained, plesant, and gentle as are all Canadians at all times, simply belched out the standard "eh!" and said nothing else, as they had not the slightest idea whence came this gift of what can only be called "Saturday Night Specials" with some abuse to the English Language, given their low quality of construction (wooden barrels on a revolver? How innovative!) and design (a Congregation of Cherrystone Clams probably could have whumped up a design superior to Ted's pathetic effort, but, then, what the hey -- he was a War Profiteer and deserves acclamation for getting away with it!). Once the US Civil War had ended, it is said that Ted Grant posed repeatedly in questonable poses on top of the pile of monies he had accumulated. But the records were sealed for all time, alas! to the public's right to know, in the linked cases of CROWN v. VARIOUS PORNOGRAPHIC PHOTOGRAPHERS and GRANT v. VARIOUS PORNOGRAPHIC PHOTOGRAPHERS. While the pictures of Ted entering and leaving the Courthouse in East Ridd, Lower Kneebone District, are priceless, as he constantly holds up a mouldy kipper to cover his face, a novel solution to a problem shared with Al Capone and John "the Teflon Don" Gotti, in the end, Ted managed to squeak out of this with an award for damages of one Canadian Pound. Unfortunately, the verdict came down the week AFTER Canada had renamed their currency as the "Canadian Dollar" (generally referred to today as the "US half-dollar" but Ted had no conrol over that -- and it is most delightful to discover a point of failure, despair,and enquity in which he does not appear). Ted Grant's name appears in some of the more obscure records recovered after that mysterious fire at Professor Moriarty's abode, the fine in which a tall, thin, cloaked fellow wearing a Deerstalker hat was seen dancing about before the fire erupted, intoning chants along the lines of "take that, you physicist bastard! English majors rule!" and the like. A bystander, one Proffessor George Edward Challenger, of rather shaky academic repute, later stated that he had had noted a "low, hulking, and animal-like creature, snorting heavily, who might have set the fire, as he was tossing lighted lucifers about, but then I recognized that he was a Canadian and therefore harmless. I then had my firstname.lastname@example.org FAX: +540/343-7315 Cha robh b?s fir gun ghr?s fir!