[Leica] Ted Is Almost 75?

[Marc James Small <msmall@infionline.net>]

At 10:36 PM 2/6/04 EST, P2CON@aol.com wrote:
>Ted is nearing 75 and still working so has no time for such foolhardy
antics. 
>I am nearing 73 and retired so have plenty of time and energy to play, and 
>lots of toys to play with.


This disturbs me more than a bit, as I have it on grand authority that Ted
is actually 177 years old.  After all, he DID teach his grandmother how to
suck eggs and instructed Daguerre in the basics of the photographic trade.
As a middle-aged  craftsman, he suggested to Carl Zeiss that he hire Ernst
Abbe to design lenses.  Later in his life, he ran into Oskar Barnack
meandering about the hills of Germany and, with the compassion so expected
of a person of Ted's character, suggested to the asthmatic fellow that he
might do better to develop a camera using movie film -- in fact, thought
this has been lost to history, Ted actually suggested to Oskar that this
would result in a "small camera, big image", a logo later stolen without
credit to Ted, by Minox but, at least, Minox is now safely in the Leica
camp, so what can we say?  Ted went on to be the official photographer on
the voyage of the TITANIC, on the LUSITANIA, and on the HINDENBERG.  In the
midst of this, he taught photography to Lawrence of Arabia and accompanied
him on camel raids deep into the desert to catch the Dastardly Huns up to
their customary Evil Deeds. (Much of this has been excized from history due
to the unfortunate occasion when Ted tossed a glass of Lagavulin in the
face of Lowell Thomas, but, then, that is a tale for another day and, in
any event, occurences at the Casual Officers' Club in Damascus in 1918 are
probably protected by the Statute of Limitations.

Ted's later exploits include snoodling with Julia Child while she was on
her various OSS missions during the Second World War, escorting Madame
Chiang Kai-Shek to the Wimbledon Meet of 1947, and taking Margaret Truman
to NASCAR races (her passion) throughout the US Southlands in the 1950's.
His connections with Kim Philby have remained obscure but, what the hey,  a
snippy but uncertain reputation for exotic deeds can substitute for a
600-page tome by Gospodin Solzhenitzyn.  His exploits duirng the Second
World War did cause him to be nominated for, and to decline, many awards
and decorations, as the accomplishments assigned to him DO appear
improbable -- after all, how could the same person have suggested to Lord
Gort that Dunkirk was THE beach and advised the Admiralty just where
BISMARCK was to be found and argued Churchill into ordering the epic raid
on Penemunde which so slowed the German rocket programme?  And the tale
that it was Ted who talked Eisenhower into ordering that D-Day was to be on
6 JUN 1944 despite the weather forecast -- well, it beggars the
imagination, but the memoirs of those involved keep referring to "our solid
Ted" and "Ted, the all-knowing", so maybe these tales are true.

I could go on, but Ted is undoubtedly dying from shame at the reading of
his REAL story.  Those of you who only view him as some sort of decrepit
flack for Lagavulin miss the import of his contributions to Crown and
Empire over the course of his lengthy, and well-pickled, career.

Allow us, Ted, to greet you in honor and respect as being the last
surviving member of those ravaging Canadian militia hordes who drove back
the US Army at the battle of Drewery's Lane and thus preserved Canada for
the Crown.  My folks were on the other side, but I am glad, after the
passage of these years, to grant you the honor to which you so obviously
are owed.

<grins, brother!>

Marc


msmall@infionline.net  FAX:  +540/343-7315
Cha robh bąs fir gun ghrąs fir!


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