[Leica] Fwd: Last seen heading South...

[Darrell Jennings <darrell_jennings@yahoo.com>]

I thought some of you might enjoy reading this one...

> REMAINING U.S. CEOs MAKE A BREAK FOR IT -- Band of
> Roving Chief Executives Spotted Miles from Mexican
> Border
> 
> 
> San Antonio, Texas (UPI)-- Unwilling to wait for
> their eventual indictments, the 10,000 remaining
> CEOs of public U.S. companies made a break for it
> yesterday, heading for the Mexican border,
> plundering towns and villages along the way, and
> writing the entire rampage off as a marketing
> expense.
> 
> "They came into my home, made me pay for my own TV,
> then double-booked the revenues," said Rachel
> Sanchez of Las Cruces, just north of El Paso. 
> "Right in front of my daughters."
> 
> Calling themselves the CEOnistas, the chief
> executives were first spotted last night along the
> Rio Grande River near Quemado, where they bought
> each of the town's 320 residents by borrowing
> against pension fund gains. By late this morning,
> the CEOnistas had arbitrarily inflated Quemado's
> population to 960, and declared a 200 percent profit
> for the fiscal second quarter.
> 
> This morning, the outlaws bought the city of Waco,
> transferred its under performing areas to a private
> partnership, and sent a bill to California for $4.5
> billion.
> 
> Law enforcement officials and disgruntled
> shareholders riding posse were noticeably
> frustrated.
>  
> ”First of all, they're very hard to find because
> they always stand behind their numbers, and the
> numbers keep shifting," said posse spokesman Dean
> Levitt. "And every time we yell 'Stop in the name of
> the shareholders!', they refer us to investor
> relations. I've been on the phone all damn morning."
> 
> "YOU'LL NEVER AUDIT ME ALIVE!"
> 
> The pursuers said they have had some success,
> however, by preying on a common executive weakness.
> "Last night we caught about 24 of them by disguising
> one of our female officers as a CNBC anchor," said
> U.S. Border Patrol spokesperson Janet Lewis. "It was
> like moths to a flame."
> 
> Also, teams of agents have been using high-powered
> listening devices to scan the plains for telltale
> sounds of the CEOnistas. "Most of the time we just
> hear leaves rustling or cattle flicking their
> tails," said Lewis, "but occasionally we'll pick up
> someone saying, 'I was totally out of the loop on
> that.'"
>  
> Among former and current CEOs apprehended with this
> method were Computer Associates' Sanjay Kumar,
> Adelphia's John Rigas, Enron's Ken Lay, Joseph
> Nacchio of Qwest, Joseph Berardino of Arthur
> Andersen, and every Global Crossing CEO since 1997.
> ImClone Systems' Sam Waksal and Dennis Kozlowski of
> Tyco were not allowed to join the CEOnistas as they
> have already been indicted.
>  
> So far, about 50 chief executives have been
> captured, including Martha Stewart, who was detained
> south of El Paso where she had cut through a
> barbed-wire fence at the Zaragosa border crossing
> off Highway 375.
>  
> "She would have gotten away, but she was stopping
> motorists to ask for marzipan and food coloring so
> she could make edible snowman place settings, using
> the cut pieces of wire for the arms," said Border
> Patrol officer Jennette Cushing. "We put her in cell
> No. 7, because the morning sun really adds texture
> to the stucco walls."
>  
> While some stragglers are believed to have
> successfully crossed into Mexico, Cushing said the
> bulk of the CEOnistas have holed themselves up at
> the Alamo.
> 
> "No, not the fort, the car rental place at the
> airport," she said.  "They're rotating all the tires
> on the minivans and accounting for each change as a
> sales event. 
> 
> 


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