[Leica] tip- how to get _out_ of taking wedding candids

[Kyle Cassidy <cassidy@netaxs.com>]

like all of you i get asked by innumerable friends and relations to
photograph their weddings -- usually for free. it usually goes like this:

"we checked out real wedding photographers and they're so expensive! and
you're so much better!"

(and therefore less expensive?)

mix that up with the fact that no one was bad enough in a past life to
have to take any wedding pictures ... so here's what to do -- buy a 110
camera from www.freestylesalesco.com and get 10 rolls of the extra-grainy
400asa film. crash a local wedding and take lots of closeups, way closer
than the near focusing range of the camera. alternate your shots between
"completely blown out with flash" and "so dark you can't make anything
out". have these developed and put _every_ picture in a long-winded album
with a nice cover engraved "steve and nancy: memories, 2000" at the end,
put a hugely inflated pricelist, weighing in at about 2,400 / day + film,
and processing, then add things like "proof prints, $1/per" and a rider
that says you get a 1/2 hour break every 3 hours and you get to eat at a
table designated no less than table 4. then when people ask you to do
wedding candids, pull out the book and say "oh yes, you've seen the photos
that i normally take, landscapes and travel shots, but weddings are
something NEAR and DEAR to my heart  -- i have a special affinity for them
and do them in a very unique style" -- here start flipping through the
album with them -- "other photographers want to ruin everything by using a
medium format camera with a tripod and potatoemasher flash, intruding and
setting everything up, these photographs are taken with the subjects
nearly _unaware_ -- look here at these nearly spy camera photos that i
took through the hotel room window -- you can see:-- well, you can see
what you can see! hahahaha! anyway, here's a copy of my price sheet. all i
need is your signature there and i can start purchasing film, i'm looking
forward to seeing you on the 19th."