[Leica] Re: The Mother Of All Flames

[getrichkwik@webtv.net (ED Cherney)]

Quem wrote...
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Date: Wed, 12 May 1999 00:24:11 -0500
From: quem <annecy@hsnp.com>
Subject: [Leica] The mother of all flames 
(Enter flamee's name here), it's with serious hesitation that I share
with the group my opinion of you and your presence here on the Lug where
there are people of true character and value. 
You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As they
say in Texas, I'll bet you couldn't pour piss out of a boot with
instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I
would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you. You're a putrescent
mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing
but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life
is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on
a sour lemon. You are equivalent to the seeping pus from the afterbirth
of an aboriginal gang bang, left lying in the sun for three days. You
are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly
with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth in to this
world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by
the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed
themselves in recognition of what they had done. 
I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species
as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very
thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid
you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a
fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?   You
snail-skulled, little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its
beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly
briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of
your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of
your own trite, foolish beliefs. You are weary, stale, flat and
unprofitable. 
You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting.
You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't
have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention,
and lost in a land that reality forgot. And what meaning do you expect
your delusional self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced
opinion to have with me and the others on this list? What fantasy do you
hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have
more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a
circle, waiting for the bite of the snake? You are a waste of flesh. You
have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral
equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void.
You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile one-handed
slack-jawed drooling meatslapper. On a good day you're a half-wit. You
remind me of drool. 
You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality
of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted.
You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow
wherever you go. You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod.
Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court
apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish
clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish
boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven
dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naïf. You gob-kissing gleeking
flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted
clapper-clawed flirt-gill. You are a fiend and a coward, and you have
bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased
just for knowing you exist. 
I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away. I cannot
believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid.
Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond
the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are
trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself, so far,
that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no
intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on
Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire
galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll.
Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some
primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure
essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond
the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. 
This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from
me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your
ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or
any of the rest of your drivel. Duh. The only thing worse than your
logic is your manners. I delete all of your posts because, well... they
never really say anything. Maybe later in life, after you have learned
to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True,
these are rudimentary skills that us "normal" people take for granted
and have an easy time mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are
"challenged" persons in this world such as yourself. Sort of like
parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the
emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on
you. 
(Enter flamer's name here) 
P.S.   Almost forgot. You are hypocritical, greedy, violent,
malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious,
loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous,
contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious,
tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, 
insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, Byzantine,
conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic,
spastic, ignorant, 
clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive,
double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative,
paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic,
diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive,
dim, crazy, weird, dystopic, stifling, uncaring, 
plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious,
secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, abrasive, poisonous, flagrant,
self-destructive, abusive, socially-retarded, puerile, clueless, and
generally Not Good. I Hope you CHOKE on any adoption search you should
undertake. Any questions? 
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WOWZERS!...I'd hate to see your MEAN side....By the way...WHICH Edition
of the Dictionary did you swallow?
[May I "quote" you?]...hah...ED.