[Leica] Now for something completely different, again

[Yon Chung <ychung@sipi.usc.edu>]

Fellow Luggers,

	How about some levity for a change of pace?  This joke was 
forwarded to me by a friend who knows I'm a photo buff.  It's a bit long,
enjoy.

Yon Chung
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The British Government's policy of socialized medicine has recently been
broadened to include a service call "proxy fathers".  Under this
government plan, any married woman who is unable to become pregnant
through the first five years of her marriage may request the services of a
proxy father-a government employee who attempts to solve the couple's
problem by impregnating the wife.

The Smiths, a young couple, had no children and so decide to use the
services of a proxy father to start their family.  Mrs. Smith, naturally,
was apprehensive, but she desperately wished for childrean and agreed with
her husband on this issue.  A proxy father was due to arrive that day.
Leaving for work, Mr. Smith said, "I'm off.  The government man should be
here soon."

Moments later, just by chance, a dooor-to-door babay photographer rang the
doorbell, hoping to make a sale.  "Good morning, madam.  You don't know
me, but I've come to ..."  The salesman started to say.

"Oh, not need to explain.  I've been expecting you."  Mrs. Smith cut in.

"Really?"  The photographer asked.  "Well, good!  I've made a specialty of
babies, especially twins."

"That's what my husband and I had hoped.  Please come in and have a seat."

The photographer came in and sat down.  "Then you don't need to be sold on
the idea?"

"Don't concern yourself.  My husband and I both agree this is the right
thing to do."  Mrs. Smith offered.

The photographer decided to see if he could close the deal.  "Well,
perhaps we should get right down to it."

"Just where do we start?"  Mrs. Smith asked, blushing.

"Leave everything to me."  He said, full of confidence now that he figured
he had this deal closed.  "I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch and perhaps a couple on the bed.  Sometimes the living room floor
allows the subject to really spread out."

"Bathtub, living room floor?"  Mrs. Smith asked, her eyes avoiding his.
"No wonder it hasn't worked for Harry and me."

"Well madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time, but if we try
several locations and work from six or severn angles I'm sure you'll
be pleased with the results.  In fact, my business motto is, 'I aim to
please.'"

Mrs. Smith smoothed her skirt and said, "Pardon me, but isn't this a
little too informal?"

"Madam, in my line of work, a man must be at ease and take his time.  I'd
love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with
the result."

"Don't I know it!"  Mrs. Smith exclaimed.  "Have you had much success at
this?"

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out his portfolio of 
baby pictures.  "Just look at this picture.  Believe it or not, it was
done on top of a bus in downtown London."

"Oh my!"  Mrs. Smith said, tugging at her handkerchief.

"And here are the pictures of the prettiest twins in town.  They turned
out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to
work with."  The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture.

"She was?"

"I'm afraid so.  I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job
done.  I've never worked under such impossible conditions.  People were
crowding around four or five deep, pushing to get a look."

"Four or five deep?"  Mrs. Smith asked, her eyes now widened in stunned
amazement.

"Yes," the photographer said.  "And for more than three hours, too.  The
mother got so excited that she started to bounce around squealing and
yelling at the crowd.  I just couldn't concentrate.  I'm afraid I had to
ask a few men to restrain her.  By that time darkness was approaching and
I began to rush.  When the squirrels began to nibble on my equipment I
just packed it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward.  "You mean they actually chewed your, eh ...,
equipment?"

"That's right, but it's all in a day's work," he replied.  "I consider my
work a pleasure.  I've spent years perfecting my technique.  Now take this
baby, it was done in the front window of a big department store."

"I just can't believe it."  Mrs. Smith said, shaking her head, wondering
what she had gotten herself into.

"Well, madam, if you are ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get
to work."

"TRIPOD?"  Mrs. Smith said with a look of shock.

"Why of course, I have to use a tripod to steady my gear.  It's much
too heavy and unwieldy for me to hold while I work."

"Madam? Madam?  Good Lord, she's fainted!"