Archived posting to the Leica Users Group, 2004/05/29
[Author Prev] [Author Next] [Thread Prev] [Thread Next] [Author Index] [Topic Index] [Home] [Search]"I Am A Total Devotee of Leica M Photography" Copyright (c) 2004 Peter A. Klein Sung to the tune of "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General" Apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan - - - - - Scene: A photographic gathering in a posh metropolitan hotel. The Master Amateur is holding forth on the glories of Leica. He is dressed in a battered old raincoat and a French beret. In his hand is a battered M3 covered with black tape. He is surrounded by a chorus of paunchy middle-aged men, each wearing an enormous autofocus SLR with zoom lens. The lenses bounce on their bellies when they sing. - - - - - (MASTER AMATEUR) I am a total devotee of Leica M photography. I will not buy a digicam, I won't do videography. I read the work of Lager with his product list canonical. I'll never use a plastic lens with focus ultrasonical. I look at other cameras with an attitude that's whimsical. I do not want an SLR with viewing pentaprimsical. The look of glass from Asia makes me squint my eyes and squirm a knee. I'd rather get my lenses from a little town in Germany. (CHORUS) He'd rather get his lenses from a little town in Germany. He'd rather get his lenses from a little town in Germany. He'd rather get his lenses from a little town in Germa-Germa-ny. (MASTER AMATEUR) I will never put my camera on a tripod that is teetering. I cannot understand the need for modern matrix metering. Look back upon my history, it's all in my biography: I am a total devotee of Leica M photography. (CHORUS) Look back upon his history, it's all in his biography: He is a total devotee of Leica M photography. (MASTER AMATEUR) I love my Leica cameras with passion that's tyrannical A rangefinder, a floating frame, and everything mechanical. The shutter curtain's rubberized, and fashioned from the finest silk. The lenses have a bokeh that is smooth as summer buttermilk. My fifty f-two Summicron takes landscapes that are lyrical. I pierce the gloomy shadows with my Summilux aspherical. I must have Leica quality although it costs me lots o' bucks. I bought a ninety APO, I'm saving for a Noctilux. He bought a ninety APO, he's saving for a Noctilux. He bought a ninety APO, he's saving for a Noctilux. He bought a ninety APO, he's saving for a Nocti-Nocti-lux. I develop all my Tri-X film in acid that's ascorbical. I try to make my photos have a reference metaphorbical. And so throughout my history, you'll find in my biography: I am a total devotee of Leica M photography. (CHORUS) And so throughout his history, we find in his biography: He is a total devotee of Leica M photography. (MASTER AMATEUR) I want to be like Eisenstadt and Smith and Frank and HCB. I take my Christmas photos in a style that's documentary. I never shoot at weathered rocks and twisted trees and gnats and logs. There's universal pathos in my pictures of my cats and dogs. I lurk in bars and coffeshops, and stalk the streets with Delphic glee. To shoot unwary passers-by with Leica mounted pelvically. But when I spy a plant that has a lovely flower's bloom upon. I take a dazzling close-up with my dual-ranging Summicron. (CHORUS) He takes a dazzling close-up with his dual-ranging Summicron. He takes a dazzling close-up with his dual-ranging Summicron. He takes a dazzling close-up with his dual-ranging Summi-Summi-cron. (MASTER AMATEUR) And although I've tried the other brands they always are inferior. They can't resolve the fuzz upon a baby's bare posterior. That's why throughout my history, you'll find in my biography: I am a total devotee of Leica M photography. (CHORUS) That's why throughout his history, you'll find in his biography: He is a total devotee of Leica M photography. ------------ --Peter Klein Seattle, WA