Archived posting to the Leica Users Group, 2004/03/25
[Author Prev] [Author Next] [Thread Prev] [Thread Next] [Author Index] [Topic Index] [Home] [Search]Just doing my part to liven up cyberspace Don dorysrus@mindspring.com ABBOTT: Fry's Electronics. Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm thinking of buying a computer. A: Mac? C: No, the name is Lou. A: Your computer? C: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one. A: Mac? C: I told you, my name is Lou. A: What about Windows? C: Why? Does it get stuffy? A: Do you want a computer with Windows? C: I don't know. What do I see when I look out the windows? A: Wallpaper. C: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software. A: Software that runs on Windows? C: No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you got? A: Office. C: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything? A: I just did. C: You just did what? A: Recommended something. C: You recommended something? A: Yes. C: For my office? A: Yes. C: Okay, what did you recommend for my office? A: Office. C: Yes, for my office. A: Office for Windows. C: I already have an office and it already has windows! Let's say I'm sitting at my computer, and I want to type a proposal. What do I need? A: Word. C: If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots of words. But what program do I load? A: Word. C: What word? A: The Word in Office. C: The only word in office is office. A: The Word in Office for Windows. C: Which word in "office for windows?" A: The Word you get when you click the blue W. C: I'm going to click your big W if you don't give me a straight answer. Let's forget about words for a minute. What do I need if I want to watch a movie over the Internet? A: Real One. C: Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. But what do I need to watch it? A: Real One. C: If it's a long movie I'll also want to watch reels two, three and four. Can I watch reel four? A: Of course. C: Great! With what? A: Real One. C: Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do? A: You click the blue 1. C: I click the blue one what? A: The blue 1. C: Is that different from the blue W? A: Of course it is. The blue 1 is Real One. The blue W is Word. C: What word? A: The Word in Office for Windows. C: But there's three words in "office for windows!" A: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world. C: It is? A: Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words. C: And that word is the real one? A: No. Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office. C: Never mind; I don't want to get started with that again. But I also need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on. What do you have to help me track my money? A: Money. C: That's right. What do you have? A: Money. C: I need money to track my money? A: No, not really. It comes bundled with your computer. C: What comes bundled with my computer? A: Money. C: Money comes bundled with my computer? A: Exactly. No extra charge. C: I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra charge? How much money do I get? A: Just one copy. C: I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal? A: No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of Money. C: Microsoft can license you to make money? A: Why not? They own it. C: Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll still need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money? A: Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago. C: Well, what do you sell in its place? A: Money. C: You sell money? A: Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for free. C: That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a business. Do you have any software for, you know, accounting? A: Simply Accounting. C: Probably, but it might get a little complicated. A: If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B. C: M..Y.O.B.? What does that stand for? A: Mind Your Own Business. C: I beg your pardon? A: No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B. C: Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home business. You know--accounting? You do it with money. A: Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may need more. C: More money? A: More than Money. Money can't do everything. C: I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about money for the moment. I'm worried that my computer might...what's the word? Crash. And if my computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data? A: GoBack. C: Okay. I'm worried about my computer smashing and I need something to restore my data. What do you recommend? A: GoBack. C: How many times do I have to repeat myself? A: I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was GoBack. C: How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere? Okay, I'll go back. What do I need to write a proposal? A: Word. C: But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal. A: No, you only need one Word- the Word in Office for Windows. C: But there's three words in...Oh, never mind. A: Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on me? Oh, well. Fry's Electronics. Can I help you?