RE: [Leica] fire in the belly

["Beddoe, Neil" <nbeddoe@lehman.com>]

These two postings read like a recruiting leaflet for the US Marine Corp.
If this is what drove James Nachtwey, Philip Jones-Griffiths, W Eugene
Smith, Josef Koudelka, Dorothea Lange, Ian Berry and all my other heroes to
do what they did I think I will throw my Leica in a lake.




- -----Original Message-----
From: Ted Grant [mailto:tedgrant@shaw.ca]
Sent: 29 April 2002 14:48
To: leica-users@mejac.palo-alto.ca.us
Subject: Re: [Leica] fire in the belly


Rob Appleby describes it in reality:

>>> Allan, do you actually _do_ documentary photography? Do you know what
it's
> like to have an idea and think about it to the point that whenever you
hear
> the word "Romania", for instance, on the news or come across it in a
> bookstore, you feel sick inside because you're not there doing your
project?<<<
SNIP

Hi Rob:
You and I have done this as only those who have will truly understand. If
one has not had this experience that is all consuming then they've never had
the gut feeling that rips your innards out until you make it happen. It can
drive you to puking like a pregnant women's morning sickness!

>>> You get into stupid arguments with your wife, you're bad tempered. Your
> family is sick of hearing you talk about this thing that has nothing to do
> with their lives.
SNIP

And she says, "Oh go get it out of your system and if you don't, then don't
come back until you can be the human being I love!"  Guess what? Some guys
never come back and when some do, she's go a new mate... a book keeper with
a 9-5 job.

>By the time you get there, you've already taken all the
> pictures in your head, then you find it's all completely different from
how
> you imagined it and how it was described to you<<<<
SNIP

The worst part of this is all the preconceived pictures (one should never
conceive) conjured in your mind that you've already burned 100 rolls of
film, then get there and?.......It ain't like it was supposed to be and
you're almost afraid to go out and start looking.... then it really gets
frightening.

>>> You feel obsessed and frustrated, nothing else is remotely as
interesting.
>Everything you put together in your head is useless. You feel scared and
exhilarated. >You probably eventake a couple of days getting up the courage
to go and start >working. Then you push yourself off and get stuck into it,
feeling totally inadequate to
> the task. But you are totally focussed and driven to do that one thing -
you don't
> even take an afternoon off<<<
SNIP

Afternoon off? Hell you can't do that, too many things going down. Eat when
you feel like or you'll soon fall over from hunger, a handful of raisins
will do and off you go again.... sleep? Why? Things are happening when
you're sleeping so you don't worry about that until you can't stand and if
you should sit you're in slumberland before you close your eyes.

> amazement that anyone would want to take a day off!<<<<
SNIP

Take time off.?.. what does that mean?.... That's something you do when you
get home after all the film is processed, edited, printed  and the editor
has given you a pat on the back. Oh and as an after thought, "I hope they
put the cheque in the mail!"

> Do you think, I don't know, a photographer or journalist
> who goes to Afghanistan and risks his life to tell a story does it for
> money, or thinking of his career? Well, either he's really stupid, or he
> does it because it's the thing he wants to do more than anything else at
> that time in his life. He can't _not_ do it. It's "big". That's what
having
> a fire in your belly means, and that can't be criticized or questioned.<<<
SNIP

This fire in the belly thing is so all encompassing if one hasn't
experienced it in "photographic terms I must do this" form, it can become
frightening, simply because it takes away your common sense of every thought
of any other things that matter than ....."Doing the project to the ultimate
degree!"

When I read Rob's post my gut started to tighten as I knew we had been
there, done this and yet never shook hands... but this is a brother in arms
without question. I don't have any doubt others on the LUG have had similar
experiences.

But that's what it means, "Fire in the belly".... and one makes it happen at
all costs and even when a benefactor backs away or the funding doesn't
happen as planned the photojournalist just says..... "F... screw the world!"
And gets at it by any means he or she can with no regard for life, limb,
family nor money!"

That's fire in the belly!

Oh yeah and like Rob, I've got a beauty project I've embarked on as to hell
with waiting for a benefactor as this screams out to be done and I'm not
waiting .... however if you guys?  ;-)
ted

Ted Grant Photography Limited
www.islandnet.com/~tedgrant


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