[Leica] Alice in Leicaland

[Peter Klein <pklein@2alpha.net>]

     . . . Just then, Alice spied a caterpillar sitting on a mushroom, 
smoking a bokeh.

     "Please, Sir,"  she asked, "What are you doing?"

     "Contemplating the Circles of Confusion," came the reply.

     "Are these circles very large?"  she asked.

     "No," replied the caterpillar, "They are very small.  But *how* small 
they are is another question entirely.  Bless you, it all depends."

     "Depends on what?"

     "Why, on the size of the print, and on the opening of the lens, of 
course!"

     "What lens?" asked Alice, astonished.

     "Why, the one that is pointed at you," said the caterpillar.

     Alice turned to discover an enormous curved wall of glass behind her. 
It was surrounded by an immense silver ring.  On the ring was inscribed, in 
huge white letters, "Ernst Leitz Wetzlar GmbH Summicron," plus some numbers 
and symbols that Alice did not understand.  The lens was getting closer and 
closer, larger and larger, and Alice could see several reflections of 
herself in the glass.  The reflections were purple, and quite frightening 
indeed.

     Even stranger, as the lens came closer and closer, the grass around 
Alice grew fuzzier and fuzzier.

     "Well, we'll soon fix that," said Alice, who did not fancy herself 
becoming fuzzy.  She reached into her pocket, and began munching on the 
cake labelled "Eat me."  Immediately, she began to grow, and as she did, 
the grass became sharp again.

     "Watch your step!" cried the caterpillar, getting smaller and smaller.

     When she stopped growing, Alice found herself at the Queen of Hearts' 
garden party.  All the courtiers were holding cameras of various shapes and 
sizes, and photographing daisies, petunias, and each other. The Summicron 
lens was now of normal size, mounted on a Leica M4, and in the hands of the 
Mad Hatter.

     "What a pretty little girl," exclaimed the Hatter, placing a curiously 
irregular pair of spectacles atop his lens.  "Please hold still while I 
focus. This is now a macro lens, suitable for photographing macaroni, and 
macaroons, and. . .  and. . ."

     "And treacle," said the Doormouse, as he attempted to retrieve his 
Leica CL from a teapot.

     "Off with her head!" screamed a voice behind Alice.  Turning, Alice 
came face to face with the Queen of Hearts.

     "Off with her head!" screamed the Queen again.  She was holding a 
screw-mount IIIf, which, alas, had no parallax correction.


- --Peter "Curiouser and Curiouser" Klein